Total Eclipse of the Heart

•April 7, 2011 • 2 Comments

(This song has been playing on my iPod for most of the day. It was fitting)

Yeah, ok. So here we go. I’m writing this on here more to get out out of my mind and my heart, since the music room downstairs is currently occupied.

My boyfriend and I broke up last night. And by that, I mean that I ended it.

Since I’ve come to school, he and I had been fighting more. I think I’ve said this before, but I’m going to repeat it. I wear my feelings on my sleeves… I always have. I have a harder time forgiving people when they hurt me, especially multiple times. This last time just kind of got to me, I guess. I’ve tried to explain multiple times that me being in college is not the same as it was when I was in high school. The work is more difficult and I’m always studying or something. So our constant conversations have lessened. HE brought it up again last night, asking if my feelings have changed… because I “don’t say the things I use to”. I tried to explain that after 17 months, I figured he knew those things already. He made the assumption that I don’t care anymore about him. It was not a good feeling. In fact, the last few nights he had gone to bed upset. I would ask what was bugging him, and he wouldn’t tell me. So I would assume it was something I did, which also did not make me happy.

Eventually, I realized that I wasn’t happy anymore. I was far away, he no longer thought I cared, and he never seemed to want to tell me things about him or his day. I can honestly say, one of the hardest things I have ever done was walk away. But I had too. It wasn’t fair that I wasn’t happy, and it wasn’t fair to him to keep acting like I was. I told him that when he grows up a little, and finds the nice guy I started dating 17 months ago, to get back to me.

So far today, I have gone through many stages of this break up. I was ok when I woke up, until I had a text that said, “I really hope you decide to change your mind”. From there, it went down hill. I would put a smile on my face around campus, get back to my dorm and have another text and cry. My phone had stopped vibrating, but my emotions are still scattered. I don’t know if I’m more upset at the fact that I know how hurt he is…. or because I realized the person I leaned on for everything is not there for me right now.

I have four weeks left of my freshman year . During this time, I plan to focus on school and my Purduette auditions. I also wonder if in this time, there really is someone out there wandering around my campus that I’m really supposed to be with. And if not, I feel like a jerk. It’s not that I believe that someone better is out there for me. In my opinion, there are so many things wrong with me, that it shocks me that people would want to be with me at all. I just am not totally sure if he was “the one”. I loved him, I believe that. I believe I still do… but not the him that I have come to know in the last few months. I feel like I need to talk with other people. He was my first real relationship, and it lasted for almost a year and a half. Maybe things will change when he is finally in college. We will see what happens when I go home this summer.

So that’s what’s going on with me. My friends are wonderfully supportive. The best advice I got, though, was from one of my really good friends. She simply gave me a Bible Verse: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” Deuteronomy 31:8. She went through a similar relationship as me… so that made it much more meaningful. I just wish his sister would text me… just to let me know she doesn’t hate me. She was like the older sister I never had.

Boyce Avenue posted a new cover today. I found it fitting with my story.

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Hakuna Matata

•April 1, 2011 • 2 Comments

You know that one person you meet, that just has an impact on you. Well for me, he had been in my very first college class last semester. He was so loud and happy that at first, he drove me crazy. We were assigned seats in this class and, of course, I was put next to him. Over time, he grew on me. I saw him 3 days a week at 8:30am. He was ALWAYS happy. He always asked about my day or my weekend. He found a bright side to everything. He was always smiling, even though our teacher was insane. A couple of my friends met him at lunch one day. He asked if they were all teachers too. When I said no he said, “Ah… so you guys just aren’t as awesome as Hannah?” In the words of my friend Jacob, “I love him. Please have him eat lunch with us sometimes. Like seriously, I would love for him to be my teacher. You should be fighting over who is going to marry him. No….seriously.” I don’t find this guy attractive by any means, but I am very glad I have met him.

I ran into him earlier this week for the first time in forever. He ran up and gave me a hug. From there, he just talked to me for a couple of minutes. He had taken the class I was currently in. He was talking about when he had done the project I was working on. He said his teacher told him it was completely wrong. Now, the funny part is, he said it as if he was talking about how he had aced it. He is just happy. He makes everyone around him happy.

He has inspired me to find that happy aspect of everyday. So many times,it seems I complain about the little things.  I should really be happy for much more than I realize. So from now on at the end of every blog, I will write a couple of things that make/ have made me happy. This is to help keep me optimistic, and to remind me how blessed I am. I challenge anyone reading this to do the same.

1. I am a Boilermaker.

2. I have the best friends.

3. I know longer feel sorry for myself when “friends” treat me like shit. I stand up for myself. I’m a good person, and I deserve better people in my life.

4. I am acing a couple of classes right now.

5. Ben and Jerry’s has Red Velvet Cake ice cream. And it is amazing.

6. I no longer get headaches everyday.

7. I still live by the motto, “Hakuna Matata”.

Ever Faithful, Ever True…

•March 30, 2011 • 2 Comments

Among all the negative media and reports from the last few days, I have just one thing to say.

BTFU!

So very, very glad you are staying Coach Painter. You are a brilliant coach, and I admire you. I probably would even if you didn’t coach at Purdue. It’s a bonus. Ready for another amazing year.

“At the end of the day, my heart is at Purdue, and this is a place where I want to win a national championship.”- Matt Painter

Twitter

•March 23, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I don’t really have anything else exciting going on in my life right now. My Boilermaker’s basketball season has ended. It was sad, but life goes on. No Excuses, no regrets, my team made me proud. They showed the nation what they were capable of, when they were being doubted the most. It’s also a very good possibility that JaJuan Johnson will be named an All-American. If he is, his jersey will join the others hanging around Mackey arena. It is so exciting! I’m going to be able to tell people that I was there when he played. =]

 

I’ve had a Twitter account for a couple of years now. I never really used it, because more of my friends have Facebook. However, I enjoy following certain bands or celebrities, and more of my close friends have gotten Twitter. Plus, it is easier to use from my cell phone. Long story short, I have begun “Twitter”ing more. If you want to follow me, be my guest. I lead a boring life. But then, if you read my blogs, you might know this.

Hannah’s Twitter

I will leave you with a song I have been listening to a lot lately. I love this cover, because Alex Goot does all the vocals, instruments/sounds, and producing. Enjoy. =]

 


“You Are Perfect To Me”

•March 14, 2011 • 2 Comments

 

I know this song has been playing on the radio for awhile now, but Boyce Avenue’s version gave me inspiration. I feel like the song is more meaningful when a guy is singing it, because it is what most of us need to hear; that we are perfect despite our imperfections. However, this very thought is something I have struggled with for some time.

I am not the smallest girl in the world. Something that does not bother me near as much as it bothers my parents. When I am home, they constantly monitor what I eat and how much I eat. I, in fact, do not eat very much at all. I eat less than those I know at the Dining Courts at school, as well as healthier than them. Yet they are skinnier than me. Don’t get me wrong, I try to lose weight, and I have been for awhile. I just have terrible genes.

Since going to college I’ve realized something. People are not all the same. If we were, we’d be plastic and stuffed into little boxes and sold with different clothes.

It’s what make us unique. I always felt that people were judging me as harshly as my parents. Maybe they do. But those people don’t matter, The ones that take the time to know you for you….they are the ones that truly matter. I love this song mostly because of its message. That she’s fought her way through life, not letting the words or looks from others slow her down.

I am happy with my life. I have accepted who I am. Does it suck sometimes to go shopping with my friends, who are skinnier than me? Yeah, sometimes. But I still have fun going. They accept me for who I am… and I can say that I do, too.

So to anyone reading this, you are perfect. You should never try to be anyone or anything other than you. Hold you’re head up high. Live life. Be happy. You are perfectly you.

 

 

Rambling.

•March 7, 2011 • Leave a Comment

One of these days… I will have interesting things to blog about. Right now, It is mid-term week. I spent all weekend, no lie, studying and doing homework. I am still doing the same thing. You get a lot accomplished when your roommate is staying at her boyfriend’s (3rd of the year) dorm for the third night in a row. Silent, peaceful; I like it and I don’t. But boy I have been on top of things. What’s the opposite of procrastinate…. un-procrastinte? Because that’s what I have done. I am so proud!

This weekend was a sad day for Boilermakers. We lost to Iowa. They had only won 3 games prior to us (2 against IU, naturally…) Iowa played harder. It was their last home game and senior night; they came out ready to win it. The Boilers had a lead for a short time, and never regained it. It was tough to watch. But now they know they have to work hard every game. This will get them going in the Big Ten Tournament this weekend. Also, tonight is the Big Ten Awards ceremony. I better see JaJuan Johnson win Player of the Year, and Matt Painter win Coach of the year. Both have done some amazing things since the Hummel incident. They deserve this more than anyone. But perhaps, I am biased….

I’ve been working on a video for class. It was supposed to be a digital story of my greatest learning experience. I chose my piano lessons. I have heard every student complain about this project… but not me. Why? I make slide shows and videos when I’m bored. So to me, this was fun. It is about finished. I might post it when It is done. I’m proud of it.

I am ready for Spring Break. I miss my family, shockingly enough. And my friends that will be home at the same time. My mom is taking me and my best friend to shop in Chicago. I LOVE Chicago! This will be my fourth or fifth time there. I am a total city girl at heart.

That’s all for now. I had one exam today, and two more left this week. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Boiler up!

“No Longer Baby Boilers, We Gonna Cut the Nets Down…”

•March 2, 2011 • Leave a Comment

(Brace yourselves…. it’s going to be a long blog.)

Once upon a time, there were four high school seniors: 2 from Valparaiso, one from Indianapolis, and one from East Chicago. All were amazing basketball players. They all were planning on going to Purdue in the fall, to help improve the already improving Boilermaker Basketball. These seniors-Robbie Hummel, Scott Martin, JaJuan Johnson, and E’Twaun Moore- were dubbed as the “Baby Boilers”.

After just one year for the Boilers, Scott decided to transfer to Notre Dame. Many said it was because he did not see the playing time he felt he deserved. Regardless, the Baby Boilers finished the season off with a 25-9 record, and made it to the second round of NCAA tournament.

 


With the boys now acting as a trio, it was clear they were a force to be reckoned with. Robbie Hummel stood out immediately and earned the nickname “White Lightening” (meaning he could strike from anywhere) JaJuan Johnson was becoming a standard forward, getting his fair share of shots and rebounds. E’ Twaun Moore began his future descent on breaking 2,000 points in his career, as well as most starts/minutes in a game. They ended their sophomore year by reaching the Sweet Sixteen NCAA tournament, and a record of 27-10. During this season, one small girl would enter Mackey arena to watch her first game with her big brother. This team would forever change her life, as she immediately re-developed a love for basketball (me.)

Junior year would prove to be difficult for the boys. The team was on a quick rise in rankings. Many saw the Boilermakers as an easy Final Four team, with the Junior Baby Boilers leading the team. Near the end of their Big Ten Season, Hummel tore his ACL in an away game against Minnesota. Suddenly, the Boilers were doubted, claiming they were nothing without Robbie. The Boilers finished off the season with another appearannce in the Sweet Sixteen, a share of the Big Ten title, and a record of 29-6.

There was a slight scare among Boiler nation, when JaJuan and E’Twaun entered the NBA draft. E’Twaun decided to go back to the Boilers, but JaJuan was not sure. Articles say that Hummel sent a simple text to Johnson saying, “We came in together, we go out together.” Johnson decided to stay, however, Robbie’s text would sadly not come true.

With all of the rehab done over the summer, Robbie was expected to be back to himself, and finish his career with the Baby Boilers. In the first practice of his senior season, he injured the same knee. The Boilers had been ranked in the top 3 spots in many different National rankings. They dropped as soon as news of Hummel got around. Again, people doubted them. Saying they were no longer a final four team. Although Robbie decided to red shirt this season and come back for a final year next season, the Baby Boilers were again divided.

Today, I watched 2/3 of that trio play their final home game. JaJuan: Pre-Season All American, First Team All Big Ten, All Defensive Team, and over 100o points scored. E’Twaun Moore: over 2,000 points, most minutes played, most starts, First Team All Big Ten, All-Freshmen Team, Academic All-American Selection,  Third Team All American Honorable Mention All American. Both men are the winning-est players in Purdue history. Both gave speeches, immediately thanking God for all He had done for them. They also mention Robbie. They are no longer Baby Boilers…. they all grew up. You could tell how hard it was for him to watch his teammates during their senior night. But you know he’s just going to work that much harder next season.

I’d say “Happily Ever After”, but I can’t say it until we’re cutting down the nets in Houston. My “season” of being a Paint Crew member is over for this year. But my Boilermakers are no where near done. I have always had faith in my boys, who are now ranked #6 in the nation. Show them how we do it, guys! Big Ten Title  and a National Title… we’re ready.

E’Twaun and JaJuan. You are both two amazing players. You showed class everytime you stepped onto any court. You kept an undefeated season here at Mackey this year. I am grateful you guys showed me again why I loved the sport. I am so lucky to have gotten one year to attend Purdue while you were still playing.

Boiler up!